Thursday, May 5, 2011

PS to the Murder Mystery

The following cleverly color-coded statements, purportedly from the suspects in the Murder Mystery Dinner Theater presented at the St. Petersburg Diocesan Council of Catholic Women convention in Tampa on Monday, have been obtained by the Saint Raphael Messenger (through no effort of its own, we might add). Perhaps they shed some light on said murder mystery. Perhaps not. In any case, they most assuredly are supplemented by the slide show from the convention.

From Jade: Well, well, well, Quite a fun little night you had, didn't you, Ms. White? To think, your guests thought I was the one to do our beloved Black in....Ha! You weren't the sweet little socialite they thought you were after all! Well done. XO

From Violet: And to think I was on everyone's hit list!! They hadn't a clue that I would be the next Mr. Black. I do miss you all!!! Remember to take your Benefiber daily!!! Love and Blessings

From CC to Violet: Mr. Black?!! Is your next operation to be a sex change? At your age I should think you could live out the rest of your life as MS. Plum unless you're plum crazy.

From Jade:Oh my goodness, VIOLET, how could I have forgotten to mention you in my email. Or is it that I've chosen to put the hemorrhoid queen behind me, hmmmmm. ;-)

From Ms White:To Prudence Buffy Violet Jade and CC and Rose, I guess by now you know that I have been released from custody but what you don't know is I am with Black spending his billions. He of course was just pretending to be dead with a little help from a few good people we pulled it off .SO LONG SUCKERS !!!!!!!!!!!! Mrs. BLACK aka Ms White

From Buffy: I have decided to relocate to St Pete FL permanently since Uncle Black eloped with White, and I just couldn't see going back to NY by myself. I really have grown quite fond of Jade, Rosy, CC, Prudence, and even Violet (She would be so proud of me, I took my fiber by eating cheetos tonight) I know White and Black will be back one day, and perhaps they will stay at my home from time to time, if they dare... BTW Uncle Black bought me a GORGEOUS house before he left (through Brophy Realty, of course), but it is RIGHT next door to a fire station and there are fire alarms in every room....They also bought my McMansion close to St Raphael's Church in hopes that I might stumble in those doors and become a NEW person. Yes, there is hope for someone even as messed up as me... Maybe Black will start an the Film Production company and we will all live happily ever after, no more crime or violence????

From Ms White/Mrs Black to Buffy: Dear Buffy, will you ever forgive me. I am so sorry that I gave you away at birth but my parents made me do it as it would have been a social disgrace to have you out of wedlock. Your Dad (Black) and I want to make it up to you. We have changed our will and you are our sole heir. the only reason I was so mean to you was to hide my love for you.We want you to come live with us and make up for lost time. (the only rule is no matches or lighters) I can plan a huge coming out ball for you and I have arranged with a plastic surgeon friend of mine to get you laser treatments to remove your tattoos. Please find it in your heart to forgive me and give me a chance to be the mother you deserve xxxMom (Mrs. Black aka Ms White)

From Black, who surprisingly enough is not dead after all: To my gang, I hope all of you are enjoying yourselves and staying out of trouble; of course that doesn’t apply to Buffy who seems to always be in the thick of things. Buffy is always looking for a party as you all know. I am enjoying my time away from the gang and enjoying my water view property, but there may come a time when I request all of you to be present for another job. Especially due to your unique skill sets. In fact, Black’s Film Production maybe a place that calls upon those unique talents that all of you possess. However right now I am enjoying some much needed peace and relaxation. Furthermore, although I am a patient man, never forget that you’re dealing with a genius who foiled your plot for my demise. Trust must be re-established and an oath of loyalty must be reaffirmed before I take any of you back, but then I always have been a quite forgivable and loving Boss. Sincerely, Mr. Black

From CC: Dear Buffy, As a former security agent for both Mr. Black and Ms. White, I would warn you not to get too close to either of them. You can trust what they say to be the exact opposite to what they mean.

From Ms White/Mrs Black to Buffy: My Dearest Buffy, Please do not pay any attention to a thing C.C. says as she is green with envy, full of jealousy and just plan MAD that my Husband(black) and I are finally doing the right thing. xxxxxooooMom P.S. look in your driveway as you will find a late 25th Belated birthday present from your Dad and I. YES it is a brand New Mercedes convertible

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